Met a nice woman and although it is unlikely that we will become all that my imagination hoped it was a wonderful painful exciting learning experience. Shook her hand, looked in her eyes, felt the world spin around us as I experienced something I hadn’t in a long long time. Nice. Scary – but I liked the rush!
Realized that I have not been applying the combination of self understanding and self discipline to get from where I am to where I would like to be. Soon. (For what it is worth I am not talking about solving my personal, financial, emotional, romantic, and physical problems- I am simply talking about getting to a place where I have confidence that I am addressing each of them, have a plan in place, and am enjoying success in consistently moving forward. The place is to be successfully on the journey~)
Allowed myself to wallow in fear and self pity and worse yet, I allowed myself to give that fear form by verbalizing my fears-
I look back and wonder what I was expecting- was someone going to offer a solution? Huh? Like what? “Here Mark, have a boatload of money, an infusion of confidence, a bit of extra sweet personality, and shoot fire, let’s top it off by introducing you to the woman of your dreams”
I know better. I knew better then.
More likely I was looking for empathy? Sympathy? Pity? Someone to tell me I am alright even though I have done a whole bunch of stupid things? The magic word that will forgive my poor self control, the damage I have done to my life and the lives of a few others? Having done so did I hope that they would fix things so that I would never do such things again?
Like I said, I know better. I knew better then.
I am taking a Hiatus from my Friday Meetings- I have come to look forward to seeing those people as they are all good people: intelligent, capable, wonderfully complex and hard-working people who (even more than most people) surprise with their depth of experience and their unique perspectives. In other words, I like them! I have not put a lot of energy into connecting with people since I escaped from my relationship and Fridays have been a high point of the week. I actually have fun and will miss them.
On the other hand, it is time for me to spend several solid weeks making careful choices that reflect what I know about myself, what works in terms of getting my personal productivity back to a good place, and most importantly it is time to allow myself to express myself in those unique and wonderful ways that are me. Friday Life Empowerment Group was becoming a place and time I hoped to find the answer, the easy button for my life. Looking for the swami to help me find enlightenment . . .
When the time comes (in a week, a month, many months?) that I step back into the group it will be because I am looking for people with whom to share successes, to fine tune the steps I am taking in improving my manifestation of myself, to offer my support, and to enjoy the camaraderie of fellow pilgrims.
Should anyone from my Friday Group read this, hello! Welcome! I hope I am clearly expressing my respect and affection for you. Y’all are fun and I hope to see you again before too very long~
I have come to firmly believe that I am the only one who can act in my life, and further I have a pretty good idea of what does and does not work in my life. It is now time for me to do what I know is the right thing to do. I have a good handle on what I would like to see happen. If I struggle to prioritize and organize the process of getting it done I may ask (my counselor, my friends, mentors) for ideas but even then I know that I have to be the one who decides what to do and then go and do it. There are endless volumes on helping people blessed/cursed with ADD/ADHD work through this process I have read more than one or two of them- It is time to stop reading them and put them to work.
I just read the book I mentioned earlier “The Disorganized Mind” by Nancy Ratey. It is on the process of “self-coaching” for ADD/ADHD adults. Interesting how familiar the process seemed as I read through it- very similar to the basic process used in work organization in many companies.
Some years ago I was running a market for a company. As the Market GM I had a pretty vague job description but very specific job performance metrics. Essentially I should do what ever I needed to do to create as many happy customers as possible as measured by net income while growing the skills and on the job happiness of our personnel. I answered directly to the owners and although they made suggestions they were extremely open to innovation as long as it drove results.
When I first took the position the urgent nature of sales and training drove my activity and focus but within a year I had put systems in place so that those things were happening automatically and I was beginning to flounder a bit and losing track of the details of the business. My results began to slip and lose their consistency.
I remember clearly the epiphany that there was a specific group of numbers that were indicators of our success and a specific group of activities that drove those things. (I think perhaps having worked in a variety of food service management jobs had shown me that results measured and addressed in real time are immediately and measurably affected) I listed those activities and I listed those numerical indicators and then carefully assigned them values and frequency-
When I was finished I had a “daily goals and activity sheet” that at the top asked me to check a box certifying that I had in fact read our results to date and compared them to our goals. Beneath that I listed those things that any operation has to do to be ready to serve customers- housekeeping, cash, staffing, etc. The next section listed the on-going activities that were required with a clear and bold reminder that customers come first, and if pulled away from your task you were to go back to the top of the page and make sure we were still ready to do business and then return to the task. Whether it was me or one of the staff members they knew that you always went to the top of the sheet and worked down.Next, a section that listed a task for each day or a special task that would help us to accomplish our longer term goals. Finally, at the end of the sheet was a brief check-out section that closed with the requirement that any outstanding issues or things we need to bring to others attention be moved to tomorrows sheet.
Obviously there were systems and processes for the details of the business but this simple clipboard system really helped me (and I hope everyone else) to stay on track with our work and our philosophies.
Acknowledge our business realities, Narrow our focus, Strategize-ritualize, Work the strategy, Evaluate our results, Repeat.
I was with that company 10 years (a very long time for me!) and before I left had been promoted to Director of Operations for the company and was responsible for all aspects of the company other than admin and finance. That simple system served the Market GM’s, the Corporate Sales GM’s, and store managers and it’s simplicity allowed me to do that job easily and well.
This weekend I am completing the plan (again, I know – I am aware that I have done this before but as I am not bound by yesterdays failures I am taking a fresh look to make sure that this time it “takes”)- the goals are now in writing and I am reducing them to steps and narrow goals. By the end of the weekend I will have narrowed the focus for the big picture and each step.
In the past few months I have found myself drifting into a belief that THE UNIVERSE will work it out - I should “let good things happen” - that if I just hold the vision clearly enough then the world will conspire to make them happen. That is a very nice way to believe, hard to count on!
I am ok with the paradoxical belief that I can not change anything outside myself imposed against the belief that if there is going to be any change at all it will have to be effected by me. The universe may make it easier and if God wants to help I am happy to give thanks (I always give thanks for being alive, with the faculties to appreciate the world and the opportunity to both change it and appreciate it).
I think I may have talked about it before but I am firmly of the belief that people are happy when they feel like they are affective and are getting good results. I am capable of getting good results and it is time to do so!
The things that I perceive as my personal, financial, emotional, romantic, and physical problems will be solved when I solve them. Instead of acting the way a person who has those problems acts it is time to act like a person who is very happy with those aspects of their life! I am as happy as I act, I will make as much money and solve my financial problems as fast as I go out and earn that money, I will be emotionally accepting of myself when I accept me, I will find the love I would like to share when I find that woman I would like to share with and do so, and I will be fit and healthy as I eat, sleep, and exercise the way a fit and healthy person does.
So - those are the notes for the afternoon-
Daylight is a wasting boys it's out of the chute!
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