Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Do you need what you want or want what you need or . . .

You don't always get what you want, you get what you neeeeed!

Really?

What this country needs is a good 5cent cigar!

What he needs is a good swift kick in the rear!

I need to get laid, (really!)

I really need a vacation!

I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way . . .

I taught first graders for Junior Achievement for a while. Six weeks on wants versus needs and who in our community provides our needs and of course what we need to get what we need. If memory serves it was a pretty short list:
  • Food
  • Water
  • Clothing
  • Shelter

At the most basic level aren't those the needs?

Maslow had his little heirarchy of needs and somewhere along the way he came to love and respect and all those things. Needs.

So how did we get from thinking that needs are things we must have to survive and can then be thought of as good things (see the big 4 above) to things that will contribute to our happiness and comfort (love, respect, purpose, etc) and then finally to the things that karma says we deserve (the swift kick in the rear).

It occurs to me that if I didn't have those basic needs covered I wouldn't be here anyway. Dead for lack of those things so maybe it's just that we take those basic needs for granted but like the word and the concept of necessity . . . do we have a need for needing . . .

I don't know anymore what I need to do.

I am not always sure that know what I want- to be, to have, to do.

Funny thing is, I think the only thing I really need to do, is to keep doing.

A Trip to a Safe (and wonderful) Place #1

When I was in the fifth grade Mrs Carasco gave us a wonderful assignment. Simple and to the point. Write a story telling about your life as a grown up. Your home, your family, your life. Who do you want to be when you grow up? How do you want to live?



I have long since lost track of the paper and I don't recall the words but I do remember the time and place I looked ahead in my memory and wrote about. I still remember that place and try to get back there to visit whenever I can. As I have recently spent time taking apart my dreams and memories and all those things that make me who I am and who I am becoming I have found myself wanting so much to go back to that place I have yet to create in the world where I spend most of my time.



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We have been driving for a bit now, out of the city, the noise, the traffic. We left the city and a few minutes ago we passed through the small town we have come to think of as home. There are a couple easy restaurants and stores and a dusty parking lot in front of the sherrifs office. The few people on the street smile, shading their eyes as they look and then recognizing us they wave and their smiles spread wide across their faces. These are our friends and our neighbors and it feels good to know and be known. A nice little town but not so nice as to be a destination for the traveling public. On the main street there is a hardware and feed store, a couple gas stations, a friendly tavern with cold beer, good food, and room for the kids, a small grocery, a Mexican Restaurant with a great patio, and a dry goods store and office supply. Professional offices, such as they are, are gathered at the end of the main street. Good simple strong people in a good strong simple town. Not much pretense here. In just a very few minutes we pass through the town and cross the little river on the concrete bridge and then we are back in the country.

Time passes nicely here. We have time to laugh and talk and then settle into the nice silence of friends who know without words how the other is appreciating the wonderful world we are passing through.

Do you see the drive there? Just ahead on the right? It curves around a large old tree, up the hill and dissappears over the crest. There is a fence along the road and the drive enters the property through a wide gate with a cattle-guard. The gate is open, in fact it nearly always is and beside the stone gateposts is a large mailbox. Once through the fence and off the road the drive has wide gentle shoulders and is not fenced; grazing animals can cross the drive at will.


We are driving a pickup truck and the windows are open. The weather is warm and dry and as we cross onto the property we slow to allow a couple of steers to move off the road and out of our way. Did you hear the rumble of the cattle guard as we crossed it? The sound carries across the valley and up the hill ahead of us. Dust billows up behind us and the smell of the fields and the animals drifts in the windows as we crest the hill and look across the valley at our home. . .
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TBContinued and modified soon!

Proud work memory #1

When Miguel slashed Franky's tires in the parking lot he wasn't thinking. He was after all a fairly typical 15 year old Tex-Mex borderline delinquent with a chip on his shoulder and Franky was a fairly typical 40 year old West Texas Good Ol'Boy with a bad attitude. Miguel also wasn't paying attention to the great big fellow in the oil company pick-up truck who grabbed him by the collar and dragged him into the restaurant where Miguel worked and Franky was a corporate officer on a restaurant visit.

It got pretty exciting for a few minutes . . . the good Samaritan roustabout dragged Miguel into the restaurant and after not so kindly convincing Miguel to be quiet he asked who owned the Lincoln with 4 now flat tires. He told the story and Frank exploded with curse words and threats of arrest and violence and promises of devastating retribution. Franky wasn't thinking much either.

I worked for Franky as the manager of that little West Texas Taco Restaurant- actually all 66 of our managers worked for District managers who answered to Regional Managers who answered to Franky. Franky was important. Just ask him and he would tell you.

Miguel worked for me. He was the morning prep cook. As he had been kicked out of high school for a variety of behavior problems he had taken one of the few jobs available to an uneducated 15 year old Mexican Kid with a bad attitude in West Texas. He had signed up for night school to prepare for his GED and occasionally tried to work the occasional weekend evening shift for extra cash. Miguel had worked for me for several months and I liked the kid. Too much attitude, too much testosterone, too big of a chip on his shoulder but I really liked him! Like most 15 year olds he forgot to think sometimes but he was smart, he was stunningly efficient, and he learned! Whatever I showed him, stuck. As we worked together to help him understand performance and quality standards he got it! The idea of benchmarking performance and clear expectations made sense to him and he thrived. Like I said, I liked him- smart mouth and all.

Did I mention Miguels cute little 14 year old girl friend? She was wonderful! She came to see Miguel for his lunch break and was there for him when he got off work. They were adorable and she was starting to show the evidence of their coming family. She apparently wasn't thinking much either.

Franky lived near the store and visited often. He made it clear from the first time he met Miguel that he thought he as a lost cause. Couldn't see past the accent and the quasi gangster outfits and the low-rider Pontiac. One more example that Franky didn't think. He saw Miguel as a delinquent and I saw him as a young man who understood the standards and expectations and was determined to exceed them. He loved the objectivity of those standards. I loved that fact that he understood them.

A few months into Miguel's time with the company Fred came in and found Miguel smoking a cigarette while he was cleaning the waste area behind the restaurant and went ballistic. It was 6:40 in the morning, Miguel was way ahead on his work schedule and had taken it upon himself to clean up the area but all Fred could see was the fact that Miguel was sneaking a cigarette. Rather than calling the shift manager or me or anyone, Franky sent Miguel home in a fit of anger. Five days off without pay! No conversation or investigation. Like I said. Not a lot of thinking.

It was two nights later that Franky was visiting the store with his wife and kids when Miguel was driving by and noticed the car- swung into the parking lot, stepped out of his Bonneville low-rider and put his knife to work. Not a lot of thinking.

Later that night after I recovered Miguel from the oilmans grip and got him to talk to me, (he was starting to think then . . .), I talked to Franky at length. Having him arrested would satisfy a need for punishment but wouldn't replace the tires and Franky wanted his tires replaced. And he wanted Miguel to pay for them. I had everyone write down what had happened and finally Franky left with the understanding that we would meet the following day to determine Miguel's fate. Somehow in the process I had become in Franky's mind a part of the problem- I had hired Miguel after all. Franky was angry, Miguel was scared, and I was thinking.

The next afternoon Franky came by after the lunch rush and we all sat down. I asked it I could make a proposal that might help his tire problem and teach Miguel a lesson he would not forget. That morning Miguel had gone to see a cousin who ran a tire shop in the area. The cousin, Miguel, and I had worked out a plan. The cousin would dispatch a truck that afternoon to replace all four tires on the Lincoln with identical brand new tires. It would be billed to Miguel. Miguel wrote a note to us requesting that until he paid the entire cost, we should direct payroll to pay him with two checks each week- both halves made out to him. On each payday, he or I would deliver one half of Miguel's pay to his cousin until the debt was paid. Fred would get a weekly report of the declining balance. Fred was concerned that Miguel was getting off easy because he got to keep his job and didn't get arrested. I pointed out that working from 5am to 3pm every day for the effective rate of $2 an hour or many months was pretty serious punishment-

In the end, Franky's desire for the tires outweighed his desire for retribution and we all agreed.

Early in Miguel's 16th year he paid the debt off.

When he made the final payment he sent a note to Franky thanking him for allowing him to take responsibility for what he had done. In the note he also expressed a respect for his job, his company, for me, and for Franky.

By the time Miguel was 17 he was a father and also had become a morning supervisor at the restaurant. He took and passed his GED with ease.

I had become the training manager for the company and right after he turned 18 Miguel was promoted to assistant manager of one of the stores. Now he and his new wife were able to move into an apartment of their own.

I was transferred out of the area and my contact with Miguel became less and less frequent- but I still loved to see the reports of his success. He became a restaurant manager and performed very well. His employees loved his combination of hard nosed standards with objective compassion. He was a good man.

Years after I left the company I was driving through West Texas and stopped into one of the company restaurants for lunch. While I was eating I heard a familiar voice in the kitchen and when I poked my head in it was Miguel! A few years older and a few pounds heavier but the swagger and the grin were still there- He was on a tour of the area as he had just been promoted to regional manager for parts of New Mexico and West Texas.

Miguel had just moved back to Odessa with his wife and their now 3 kids (he had thought about it and three was enough!), had a nice home with a pool, loved his work, had started taking some college classes on the side, was happy and enthusiastic.

We talked for a few minutes before I got back on the road- we laughed at the stories of friends and family and associates around West Texas and now spread across the US. When I was leaving we shook hands and he held on to get my attention. Looking straight at me he asked me if I remembered when he and Franky met and of course I did. He told me that they work well together but that Franky still looked sideways at him and that it was OK because he knew he couldn't undo what he had done. Then he thanked me. For helping him not be arrested and for helping him keep his job and for helping him to focus on what he could do and be. He wanted me to know that he was who he was because I had stood with him and held him accountable while giving him a chance.

When I think about what I do and what I have enjoyed and what I am most proud of, there are a handful of stories like that one that top the list. Working in fast food can be a demeaning, exhausting, mentally and physically draining experience. Your friends and acquaintances won't tell you how they wish they had a job like yours as it sounds so exciting. More likely they will say something along the lines of "well, I guess someone has to do it."

They are right. Someone has to. I am not sorry I am no longer doing that today but I am forever proud and grateful that I was the one who got to do it all those years ago in the oil patch. I like to think that whether anyone remembers me or the role I played, there are people whose lives are different and hopefully better because I was there.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Happy!

Quick re-read of my last few posts and I want to remind myself of something-

Being happy is the goal!

Happy! Liking myself, enjoying my own company, loving my family and friends, being loved by my family and friends, feeling like I am effective in dealing with life, proud of my own ability to make use of my personal talents and abilities, working hard and getting good results, creative, having the ability to choose my responses to the challenges of life, living without fear of the future, and being confident that I have value and that I will continue to find life fullfilling.

Happy!

Competence

There was a professor at UNM in Albuquerque that I like to (probably mis) qoute sometimes-

"Competence can only be measured by performance."

The context was in a special ed environment but it applies to everyone I think.

Her point was that our belief that the LD students we were working with had latent abilities if we could just uncover them was useless until we could find objective evidence that those abilities really exist.

When I try to justify myself by my intrinsic abilities I am just flat wrong. My deeply held opinion that I am smart and that my judgement is good and that I am a morally competent person has no value until I can show those things in my actions. I am only as smart as I am acting today. I am only as kind as the kindness I am performing and only as good as my life shows me to be. Potential is a wonderful thing but has no value to me or anyone else until it is manifested in activity-

I am only as good a person as my life demonstrates-

I am who I act like . . .

In spite of the problems with saying I am not my past, I "know" I am not.

We are exactly what we do today. A mean nasty person who gets up one day and makes a choice to ACT nice and who keeps that commitment is in fact a nice person. Frankly even if they still harbor mean nasty thoughts! If they choose to say nice things and do nice things and make good choices then their internal struggles are not important.

I think I am saying that we are the person we act like we are. I don't think you can be a miser if you act generous and give, a coward if you face your fears and act brave, sad if you act happy all the time, or stupid if you do smart things. Conversely, a friend is not if their actions don't show it, a lover is not if they don't express it, and a smart person who acts stupidly is for all practical purposes, stupid.

The point of all that is that changing who we are would seem then to be a decision to act followed by the actions. If there is a way I want to be, all I need to do is behave as that person would behave and I am there! Instantly! No ramp up time, no waiting! As soon as I act like that person I am him!

I am not my past-

I continue to take refuge in the safety of separating who I am from who I have been and both of me from who we are going to become. Not limited by my past and all that -


That brings up another truly confusing thought~ If I am being confident that I can succeed and think and create and make things happen based at least partially on what I have done in the past then what happens when I create that separation between who I was and who I is? I am not entirely sure I understand how to bring the virtues forward without bringing the flaws. Yins and yangs and Newton's favorite legal restrictions and all that.

Hmmm- I am not terribly comfortable with this idea-

We are what we are! Dammit! I would not ever expect another person to carry my responsiblities. They are mine. I may not be who I was but I am certainly on that Mark's evolutionary chain . . . There is a problem with my semantics or my understanding or something- I know that I am not what I was. But . . . do we get to choose what we bring forward?

Again- there is a flaw here as it is clear that we aren't going to let everyone do that all the time- "ok, I know I used to be an ax murderer but I am not that person anymore" How then can we say, "ok, I know I used to be an irresponsible, disorganized, lazy, confused guy but I am not that person anymore" In fact, the idea of saying, "ok, I used to be a 5'6" tall blond woman with just about an average iq but now I am not that person anymore . . . I am a 6' tall brown headed man with an iq of 165 and the athletic skills of a decathlete" strikes me as being ludicrous.

I am struck with the idea that our belief system is not only limited by our past but it damn sure better be. The alternative is madness!

If we were once less human than we are now, then it follows that we are limited to some degree by what we came from? Who I am is the sum of all the ingredients of my past stirred by my ambition, my intellect, my dreams but aren't even those things the products of my past? I may dream of a better life but I don't dream of another reality - I may think better than I ever have before but my thinking is still limited by my capacity to do so- we can want to be more and even different and we can become those things but only as far in front of us as our experiences and natural gifts will allow us to see.

Yes it does

Hard Work works.

I am that man

Well yes, I am that man who walked away from a level of success to pursue a dream that he should have could have would have known was not real if he had listened to himself, paid attention to the little voice, done what he knew to be right. But of course, I am different now. Now I always listen . . . really? Now I always pay attention . . . since when? Now I always do what is right . . . . God help me that it be true.

Scriptures

There are several scriptures that have always spoken to me- this one seems so appropriate to the current trend toward the "new-age-y manifest a better life through the law of attraction" thinking that is so common lately:

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Love that one! It makes my dreams and wishes real!

This next one has the absolute opposite affect on me-

"to whom much is given, of him much is required"

Damnation cometh!

Titanic

Reading an adventure novel- heroes living up to their stations, risks taken and rewarded; courage, discipline, and brilliant deduction being the order of the day-

Probably the genesis of my thought today-

An allegory- we as the captains of the ships of our lives. Made me think- The Titanic taking water, settling slowly at first but clearly sinking and the band played on. The captain, sure of the design, so very sure that it couldn't sink and wouldn't sink and exhorting the band to play, so doing damned some many hundreds to their deaths. He KNEW the ship could never sink.

Praise the lord- and pass the ammunition.

If the ship is taking water it would seem the right thing to do is to man the pumps, dispatch the repair detail, send an sos, alert the passengers to the possibilities and thank the divine that we still have minds to think of solutions and hands to bring them to pass. Then if there remains the time and energy it would be ok to examine beliefs and ideas.

I can't help but wonder when it was that realization hit the captain that what he knew was wrong.

I am also sure that his insistence on the false vision of reality compounded his culpability.

I need to work more on that whole Manifesting the Secret of Visualizing the Quantum Meta-Physical Law of Attraction and Creation thing. I am confident that there is truth in there but I have yet to hear a factual explanation . . . He KNEW the ship could never sink. Can you have a more perfect visualization?
Sunshine today! Yeah!

Work to be done!

A place to keep some odd thoughts, observations, and questions. A bit of exploration . .

If you are here you were probably invited- probably means I am thinking you are odd enough to appreciate some of what is here . . .